Today at the doctor's office, my doctor and I reviewed my recent blood work. We noted the absence of two results: TSH and FSH. TSH is thyroid stimulating hormone and FSH is follicle stimulating hormone. My doctor is interested in my TSH because although my blood work is otherwise unremarkable, she wants a benchmark for "later." Also, she believes my thyroid function might not be as speedy as it should be. To which I say: whatever.
The other number interests me more. A low FSH would mean that I am still theoretically able to have children. Never in the history of reproductive ideas has my having a baby been a good idea. It is right at this moment the worst possible idea in the realm of any and all possible ideas. However, however bad an idea it is, I suspect that right about now is the last time I will be able to entertain it. So I want to know if it is even possible. My doctor, having heard my reasoning for being desirous of the information, said the following:
Excellent doctor: "There are other tests you can perform all by yourself that are far more accurate."
Ordinary Me: "Oh good. What can I do?"
enter *pregnant* silence
Excellent doctor: "You could find out much more easily than I can by changing your lifestyle."
enter *total* bewilderment
Ordinary Me: "I can't do that."
Excellent doctor flips through my file while my bewilderment grows more complicated. She looks up at the ceiling as she performs a few simple mathematics problems.
Excellent doctor: "Your mother got sick when you were sixteen and died when you were twenty-five. Your dad then got sick when you were thirty-five. That means your entire reproductive life has been bookended by the deaths of your parents."
enter super-pregnant silence
Ordinary Me: "It has?"
Excellent doctor "You do the math."
Ordinary Me: "Oh."
Excellent doctor: "It's time to start living for you. And in case you are not sure what I meant, the easiest way to determine whether you can get pregnant is to have sex."
Ordinary Me: "You are kidding, right?"
Excellent doctor: "Normal people do it all the time."
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- Aelalea
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6 comments:
Do you need volunteers?
Your doctor is a trip. Rush right out and have sex, why don'tcha? I'd volunteer but then again, I don't have sperm. :)
Well, if you take your doc's advice, I'm sure you won't have a lack of "help". :-) Of course, artificial insemination cuts out the middle man of that awkward "getting to know you" stage and the risk of STDs.
All joking aside, you *should* start living for you and you will know what's best for you at this time.
Well it's good that you're going to the doctor.
I'm confused--"living for yourself" means having sex? Getting pregnant wouldn't exactly be living for yourself, would it?
Guess there's a reason I didn't go to medical school.
One should never question medical advice that proposes a hastily conceived pregnancy.
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